To Tell Or Not To Tell. . .

As we walk through another 2WW, I have been thinking and praying about whether or not we should tell people when I become pregnant again. Dave and I were just saying last night - if it happens this month, so soon after we lost our last baby, it will be a little surreal. Seems like too soon to be moving on but then again it doesn't. I can't really explain. And if it's that weird to us, what will it be like to share the news with all of our friends and family? Part of me would rather spare myself the embarrassment in case we have another miscarriage. I know this sounds horrible, but I've actually thought about it. You tell people you are pregnant. Everyone is soooo excited for you. "This is it!" They say. And then it's not. It's actually a little embarrassing. Like I've done something wrong or my body just isn't up to par. "Sorry guys, false alarm. This isn't actually IT." I know there is no truth behind the thought that the losses were at all my fault. And I don't carry around belief that they were. It's just that we have to be so vulnerable to let people in. . .every time.

I've gone round and round in my head about it and here's what I've determined. I knew from the very beginning that I wanted to tell my story. I knew that I would be sharing this journey with many people. Although it's been hard to share the good news and the bad along the way, we are so much stronger for having a multitude of counsel and covenant partners to walk this out with.

So we're not going to stop now. If I believe that this is completely in the hands of the Father, then there is no shame or embarrassment in opening ourselves and our process to others. To be honest, there's a bit of accountability involved when you do open up. Then we have to respond with strength and courage, giving glory to Him. Not that we have to be perfect. (Thank God our friends are Godly, but real!) But we need to be an example so that someday, if one of you have to go through something tough, you might remember, "Dave and Jess made it through with grace and courage. . .so can we."

This journey is in His hands. And because He has graced us with all of you, we will continue to share it with you. After all, we'd rather not walk alone.