I think last night was our worst yet. Worse than those very early days when I was sure she would never sleep. Last night, after three days of great progress and triumph, my sweet girl not only didn't sleep but she cried in pain for hours. Oh her poor little digestive system. She just couldn't settle down. I know most of you are reading this and just laughing - remembering your own nights such as this. Promise me this will pass?!
I keep beating myself up because I don't quite know what to do with her. Work towards a schedule or just comfort her? I suppose I should shoot for somewhere in the middle. I am reminding myself that the level of confusion and craziness that I feel are no indication of my ability as a mother. It's all so knew to me. I very often feel fear rise up within me. I am fighting it as I keep asking the Father for wisdom and grace.
My time in the Word has been a little hit or miss. But this morning I knew I had to dig in. The Lord led me to read Psalm 139, one of my favorites. As I got to verse 13, I heard Him say, "Read it and insert Hope's name." This is what I read and these are the promises I will stand on for my baby girl.
"For You created Hope's inmost being. You knit her together in my womb. I praise you because she is fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know that full well. Hope's frame was not hidden from You when she was made in the secret place. When she was woven together in the depths of the earth Your eyes saw her unformed body. All the days ordained for Hope were written in Your book, before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16
Each and every day I spend with Hope has been ordained by You Lord. You are not surprised by her discomfort. You know the source of every cry. Please cover me Lord as I gently lead her to a place of peace.
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