Focus. . .

Dave and I have done pretty well walking through this grieving process. On the one hand it's a lot harder since we just lost our second child. On the other hand, it's a little easier because we just lost our second child. I think we hurt a little more this time but we know how to respond, we know what to do and we know the truth.

I have to admit, I have been so surprised at how hard Dave has taken it this time. It's actually sorta sweet. I always knew Dave would be a great daddy, but now I know for sure that he will give his whole heart to our little one. I think he already did. This week has not been easy for Dave. He started his new job. Although we are so thankful for this new job, it was horrible timing. Horrible timing in our eyes. But we know the Lord knows what He's doing. Dave has been so strong. Pressing through these first few weeks at work while taking care of me physically and emotionally. I am so blessed. I have the most wonderful partner in the world and so I think. . .I have to believe God knows what He's doing - He knew exactly what I needed in a partner to walk through life with. If it weren't for Dave. . .and Dave and I traveling down this road together. . .I would have given up by now.

Yesterday we made it back to church. I have to admit, it was a little ambitious of me to think I could handle it. We had kids church duty this week. Actually, it's not the kids that are hard to be around. Honestly, most of those kids make me have second thoughts on whether or not I really do want children : ). No, it's not the kids. . .it's the moms. It's the moms walking around with all of their cute little ones. . .sending them off to kids church with a wide smile and a tender kiss. And even more then just the moms with the little ones attached to their hips. . .it's the pregnant women. Did I mention I go to a really young church. . .I think there are literally 15 pregnant women in my church right now. It's enough to drive you mad.

But through all of the grieving and all of the madness (I was shoved between 2 pregnant women and 3 infants in line today at Panera for lunch), the Lord has been reminding me to keep my eyes on Him. It's like a scene from one of those sports movies where the coach is driving the athlete. . ."Look at me. You can do this. Don't take your eyes off of me. Focus. Focus. You can make it. Look right into my eyes."

I'm so often tempted to look to the right and to the left. . .to all of the people around me that don't have to go through this. This makes me weak for the journey. And I know we can only make it on this road if we keep our eyes fixed on Him as we go.