He's Just Not Through With Our Story Yet

Last Thursday Dave and I went in for our 12 week appointment. We had anticipated this day for months. With no signs of any problems, we were excited to see our baby once again and move into the second trimester of our pregnancy.

I knew something was not right when the ultrasound tech left the room to get my doctor. A minute later, Heather came in with streams of tears falling from her eyes. Our little one had no heartbeat. We had lost another child.

It's amazing how tragedy knocks the wind right out of you. You go along thinking everything is just fine. . .planning for the future. . .dreaming. . .And then within moments, it can all be taken away.

We have run the gamut of emotion this weekend. . .feeling everything from confusion to grief to fear to outright anger. And we are letting ourselves feel it all. We won't stay in this place, but it's important to move through it. There are moments when I feel like we are going to make it just fine and there are moments I feel like I might just stop breathing because it hurts so much.

One thing is for sure. The holy presence of our living God is the only comfort that we need. He has been with us so close these past few days. We have felt His spirit dwelling among us and wrapping His arms around us, and we have felt His love through our amazing friends who have not left our side for a moment.

What we have been through. . .what we are going through - it doesn't make any sense to us. We would drive ourselves mad trying to figure it out. The only thing I know for sure is that He is faithful and His ways are holy. He's just not through with our story yet. Believe me, I'd rather not have this type of a story, thank you very much. But whatever He requires for the fullness of His glory to be revealed - that I will do.