Sure Peace

This week I have really been convicted about my lack of peace as I walk through this time. Sunday, my pastor spoke a message about the fruit of intimacy with the Lord and one area of fruit he mentioned was "sure peace." This just confirmed the stirring in my heart that I must access the peace available to me to quiet my heart and rest in Him.

On Thursday I will be 12 weeks. We'll have another ultrasound then and I know once it's past me I will feel very differently. But the truth is. . .I should feel that assurance now. Honestly, my lack of a settled spirit has not only been about the wellness of the child growing inside me. Sure, that's been a big part of it, but I've been freaking out about everything from - Am I going to show too early because I didn't lose weight before I got pregnant? to What if I am not eating right? to How will my clients react when I tell them I'm expecting?

I'm sure this is all very normal, but I don't want to be normal. I want my process to reflect the fruit of my relationship with the Lord. I want this to be different. The funny thing is, I have this picture on the wall of my bedroom. It says HOPE. (Hope is what we will name the baby if it is a girl). Then underneath it has the scripture, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing" Romans 15:13. This scripture brought me through my process as I waited to conceive. Towards the end, I was filled with so much peace and joy as I waited. And now that the Lord has done this wonderful thing. . .has allowed me to conceive, I feel like I'm starting the process all over again.

It just proves to me that we must always be on guard against the plans and schemes of the enemy. He would love for me to fall apart and for the testimony of my process to be ruined. I am so glad that I have been made aware of this so that I may fight it with everything in me. I don't want to be hard on myself. I realize that certain thoughts and concerns are normal and just part of this journey. . .but I committed to the Lord over a year ago when I started down this road, that I would purpose to point to Him, no matter what.

He has given me a sure peace. No, I have not tapped into it as much as I could and should. But thank the Lord that I can not only access His peace, but also His grace that covers me when I am weak.