Yesterday we got to church late. I know you are shocked, but it does happen. We ended up having to sit on the side opposite where we normally sit. We normally sit on the really cool, young, hip side of the church with most of our friends. But yesterday we sat on the other side where many older couples and the youth usually sit. We really are not a segragated church. This is just how it's been for a while now.
I looked around a bit and to my surprise I did not see one pregnant girl. I know, I know. It's shocking in our very fertile church body. But there was not one. I was so excited. Finally, I could worship and listen without being distracted. I could breathe deeply without wanting to scream. It was so refreshing. No big bellys in my face, taunting me with their cute maternity clothes and happy smiles. I said to Dave after church, "Honey, I don't know why I haven't thought about this before, but there are no pregos over here. We should sit here until I am at least 5 months pregnant!" He laughed and basically told me to get over it. He was right. (Newsflash: He usually is!)
I probably won't be sitting on the "other side" of the church in the coming months. No offense to the wonderful, wise couples or energetic youth that fill those seats in the land of the non-pregnant. It's just that I realized later that every time I go to church and sit amongst those who already have what I want so badly. . .every time I raise my hands in worship in the midst of a constant reminder that it's not yet my turn. . .every time I overcome. . .I am bringing glory to Him and providing a point to my pain.
I do not want my pain to be pointless. After all the pain - both emotionally and physically - what a shame it would be if it meant nothing. Produced nothing.
Let's commit together to not allow our pain to be pointless. Whatever it is you are going through right now. . .let your response and your faith bring glory to Him. If we can't do that, our pain truly is without a point. And honestly, that's just a waste of our brokeness.
1 comment:
Jessica, I've been catching up on your blogs and I don't know why this one hit me so hard. I absolutely burst into tears when I read it. They are tears of grief and pain over what you are going through but also tears of encouragement because of the way that you are triumphing in the face of such difficult circumstances. I cannot even explain the depth of emotion that I feel right now. You are such an incredible woman of God and I really feel blessed to be your friend. You are such a talented writer. This blog has been such a blessing an encouragement to me. I love you so much and I'm continuing to stand with you and Dave in this fight. You're right...it's not pointless pain. God is doing such a perfect work in you and He is using you in incredible ways in the lives of your fellow believers and as a light for those who need to know Him. I will always remember the words you posted here. The picture of worshipping God in the midst of your struggles...so good, so encouraging, so right.
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