Fresh Faith

Our 2WW is almost over. We'll find out sometime this week if we are pregnant. Of course I will let you all know the verdict when we do confirm.

I have a very odd balance of peace and persistence this month. I really do feel a deep and sure peace about whatever the Lord's will is for us this time, but I have also felt the urgent need to again lay my petition before the Lord (remember the persistent widow I wrote about in the spring?). It's funny, I actually have caught myself begging the Lord that I would be pregnant this month. Without even consciously realizing it, I find myself thinking please let it be so, please let it be so. I know that I don't need to beg the Lord, but for some reason I am being really honest with Him this time around.

Dave and I went to Atlanta yesterday and we spent some time talking about it over dinner. As he's prayed over us and our journey this month, I think it's the first time I've heard him ask for it to happen this month . Usually he prays a prayer that yields to the Lord's will. But this time, he's really asking. Whether His answer is yes or not this month, it has been sweet to see my husband asking the Lord for a child.

I told Dave last night that I have been persistently asking the Lord for a YES and that I feel this new level of faith rising in me. . . I feel that I might even be able to believe it into existence. I don't know how to explain it. It's not something I have ever felt before now. And I know this faith doesn't guarantee me a YES, but it is showing me that my level of belief can make a difference. I've always struggled with the whole idea of believing whole-heartedly but still acknowledging that His will will be done in the end. It's such a fine line. This month though, I feel like I can make a difference by believing that it is time, and standing on His promises to claim the blessing as soon as it is within my reach.

For the most part, Dave and I talked about how we will feel if we are pregnant. Truth is, we have no idea. We'll probably be very guarded. We want so badly to just jump right in and get excited, but we still do not know what the Lord will require of us on this journey.

I think this new revelation of faith that I have had this week is preparing me for whatever His answer will be. If we are not pregnant, then I will believe it into existence in His perfect timing. And if we are, then I will believe that baby into existence, right into our arms.