Well we had a little scare this week. I've been waking up a lot in the middle of the night with horrible back pain. It's moved a bit into my abdomen so I've been concerned the past few nights. Then it began lasting all day long. I spent most of last night awake, laying there, begging the Lord to please not do this to me again. I'm a bit ashamed of my emotional state, but I know He understands that as we contend for things we've lost in the past or have waited a long time for, we can easily get weary and be tempted to give up.
I went in this morning to see Heather. I prayed and prayed and worshiped the Lord the whole way there. By the time I arrived I was a lot more at peace. She did an exam and an ultrasound and everything looks fine. The baby looked strong at 10 weeks and 2 days with a very strong heartbeat. It was even jumping around and waving at us! So cute! They think perhaps I just have a little infection so we'll see about that.
I am just so relieved that the little one is thriving. I kept racking my brain thinking, What are you doing wrong? Why can't your body hold a pregnancy? I was beating myself up with guilt that I was failing. I know I just have to rest in the fact that every woman's body responds differently to pregnancy and that the Lord is holding this little one together with His hands. He has promised us a child. . .and I believe this child. I was so tempted to believe the promise wasn't real. . .that it was all some cruel joke, toying with my emotions and making me crazy. It's amazing what Satan will try to make you believe when you are scared and weary. What a liar!
We've got two weeks to go in the first trimester. I am very tired and weary but we have no choice but to continue fighting. . .to see this through. We'll go in the day before Thanksgiving for our 12 weeks ultrasound. Thanksgiving Day will be a huge breakthrough as I'll be more than 12 weeks then. I don't find it surprising at all that the Lord chose that week for us to pass this milemarker. Like I've said before, He spoke to me early on that this child will be formed from praise. He's always been so good and faithful, but this Thanksgiving, we'll have even more to celebrate.
4 comments:
I'm so sorry that you had to go through the scare, but I'm so glad that everything is ok. At least now you can enjoy your birthday!
Oh wow! I'm so glad that you went to see Heather and that baby is fine. I'm sorry that you had to go through that but I'm proud of you for discerning the voice of the Lord from the voice of the enemy. You're doing so great! I love you!
Srill praying and believing for you!
WOW! I am so glad to hear everything is going well and I trust you had a fabulous birthday! I continue to pray for you and look forward to all God has in store for the 3 of you! Love you!
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