Saturday morning was tough. After a hard night on Friday with Hope waking up every 2 hours and basically snack feeding all night, she was a bit out of sorts the next morning. I sat on the stairs in the kitchen and just listened to her cries, fighting back tears myself. I have to be honest and tell you that these weren't normal "mommy tears" because it hurt my heart to hear her (like most of my friends tell me they experienced). No, these were "I can't take it anymore, when will there be order in my life, I'm so overwhelmed" tears. As I sat there, I looked over to my books (baby bibles if you will) and my baby journal sitting on the kitchen table. I wanted so desperately to rip them open once again in search for "the answer." And then I felt the Lord say, "Lay it down. Lay them down. You know the principles they hold. You've studied them. Now let my Holy Spirit guide you. Just lay it all down."
I wasn't sure that it was the Lord I was hearing or just my own fleshly desire to throw in the towel on routine. Dave came and sat down beside me. He held me and told me I was doing a great job, that is was just going to take time. Reluctantly, I verbalized what I had just felt the Lord say. . .and as I did, Hope stopped crying.
She didn't start crying again in 2 minutes (as had been happening all morning). She just drifted off to sleep. Dave and I looked at each other and laughed a bit. Then I said, "I'll take that as a sign." So I packed up my books in a basket on the bookshelf. It's not that I won't ever reference them or pick back up with recording Hope's eating and sleeping and pooping schedule. But for now, the Lord has given me instruction to let it go. . .for my sake and for the sake of our effectively parenting Hope. . .and focus on His leading.
The rest of the day and night were amazing. She followed a 3 hour schedule almost to the minute. She ate well, played well, went to sleep well and Dave and I were able to relax and enjoy a Saturday (in between feedings and poopy diapers).
I'm not naive to think that this will continue every day. But there's progress and that is life to my dry bones! I think I knew deep down in my heart that the process of parenting would be more about what it taught me than what it teaches Hope. But the reality of that is just more shocking to the system than I thought. Praise God for His amazing grace!
3 comments:
Yay, Jess! That's exciting! The books are helpful but God gave Hope to you and Dave to parent so He will ultimately give you all the wisdom and answers you need for her. It's great to have the books as a starting point and now you can see what exactly is going to be best for Hope since all babies are different. You are doing such an incredible job and I am so proud of you!!!
I'm so glad to hear that you have had some breakthrough! I pray that each day just gets better and better. We can't wait to see you!
Hang in there, girl! As you get to know each other better, things will naturally even out! And keep listening for the Spirit - you're right - He's got the specific answers you need for taking care of Hope. With both of my babies - the first one, I was totally clueless, and the second one I felt so much better - I kind of took the first several weeks on their cues. Then, as they began to feel secure and established, I implemented more of a "standing routine" - so it's okay if you don't have everything charted out right now! We need to have coffee...(or decaf whatever, right?!) Love you, Crista
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