So This Is What It Feels Like To Be A Mom. . .

I kept saying that I still didn't really feel like a mom yet. Everything has been so surreal and unbelievable that it just hadn't sunk in. I would look at Hope and think, is she really mine? Am I responsible for this life? That was. . .until today.

Today we had Hope's two-month check up. All you moms out there know exactly what's coming. . .SHOTS! Yes, we endured the dreaded "first shot visit" today with our sweet girl. Dave came with us, thank God. I would not have made it without him there. After much prayer and deliberation, we determined that she should receive all five shots today. Three in one leg, two in the other.

After shot number one, she didn't make a peep. Dave and I looked at each other and thought, cool! Just then, the nurse blurted out, "Oh, I meant to tell you it doesn't usually kick in until shot #2." And then it came. . .the most horrible sound I have ever heard in my entire life. . .my child's cry of pain. With shot #'s 3, 4 and 5 it got worse and worse until I thought I was going to die. I stood there weeping. I looked over at Dave and he was crying too. I'm not talking sad little teary eyes. We were both balling by the end of it. I took her in my arms and tried to comfort her while I listened to her cry cries I have never heard come out of her. She calmed down a bit, letting out only little whimpers and sighs and at that moment, as I held her close, I knew I was her mom. I finally felt like her mom.

I think I now know what it means to be a parent. The idea that you allow your child to go through a little bit of pain because you know it's a means to a better end completely encompasses parenting. I realize this is just the tip of the iceberg for that truth. I guess there will be many more tears to come for Hope and for us!

P.S. I return to work tomorrow. Yet another milestone on this journey. Please pray for peace and strength as we make this transition. I am so thankful I get to leave her with my mom!