These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things. Part 2

I can't believe I haven't posted anything in over two weeks. I'm sure the large mass of you that read my blog have been waiting on pins and needles for my next entry. Yeah right! I'm pretty certain you've gotten along just fine without me. But still, I apologize for letting things slip. It's just been that kind of season.

Hope is almost 11 months and I can hardly believe it. This season has been filled with sleepless nights (I guess those of us that get good newborn sleepers pay for it later) and running after a relentless pre-toddler. She is into everything! She cruises and climbs and is not really catching on to the word NO just yet. Well, I'm sure she's caught on, she just chooses to ignore it. I absolutely love this time with all the new things she's doing and saying, but I kinda hate it as well. I would probably call this the most wonderful and difficult season we've had with her thus far.

But, instead of lamenting about all my mommy woes I choose instead to share with you a few of my current favorite things. I did this back over the summer shortly after Hope was born. . .but those favorite things have long gone to the land of consignment sales or storage. Here's what I'm into right now:

Fisher Price Space Saver High Chair - This thing is amazing. It straps to your dining chair but reclines, has a full size tray and turns into a toddler booster seat. The best part of it is, it only costs $49! My great friend Kristy recommended it to me and I'm so glad I took her advice. I'm not sure why anyone would spend $100 or more on a full size, bulky high chair. You've gotta try it!

Puzzles, Puzzles and more Puzzles! - At first I thought Hope was a little too young for them. I thought I'd give it a try anyway. Of course she can't actually do the puzzles. . .she just walks around with the pieces in her hand. I'm not sure if all kids are like this but as long as Hope has a few little things to hold in her hands, she's good to go! Puzzle pieces are a hit!

Plastic Bibs - I think I was late to the plastic bib party because I spent lots of time (not to mention the Oxy Stain Spray) on trying to keep cloth bibs clean after being drenched in pureed carrots and sweet potatoes. It dawned on my one day that I should try using bibs of the plastic variety. Hello! These babies changed my life. Simply wipe down with soapy water after each feeding and voila! (I know most of you moms out there are laughing at me for not realizing this sooner. Whatever!)

Little People Toys - Please refer back to the Puzzle paragraph and apply the principle here. Little things to hold in the hand. . .and with faces! Enough said.

Curtains to Play Hide and Seek Behind - I have to admit I was reluctant to allow Hope to play with the curtains. . .but one, short session of her giggling like crazy as she hid behind one was enough to change my rock-hard mommy heart on the subject. Swing away dear Hope. Those giggles make my heart soar! (She also giggles like that when she races towards my MAC, but that's still off limits.)

Touch and Feel Books - I remember wondering a few months back why Hope wasn't into the touch and feel books. She just didn't get it. Then one day about a month or so ago, she began turning the pages and pointing her finger right at the textures on each page. Now she can sit for minutes (that's right, minutes . . . hey minutes are very valuable to a mom) and read them while feeling all the fun fabrics.

Well, I guess that's enough of a list for now. As we are heading quickly into the land of the 1+ year old, I would love any suggestions you all have about products or tips for this stage of life. I need all the help I can get! How exactly am I going to transition her off the bottle if she can't drink from a sippy cup?

I've got lots of work to do!

Wacky Dreams!

So I'm known to have really wacky dreams. Just ask my husband. He's ready with hearty laughs every time I wake up and say, "I had the weirdest dream last night." He's never surprised, no matter how crazy it is.

Last night I had two separate dreams about the baby. They weren't completely wacky, just really random. It makes me wonder if this is a result of raging pregnancy hormones or subtle, subconscious concerns about having a child. I'll let you be the judge.

In the first dream, the baby was coming. . .but it was being delivered to us. I am not kidding. In a box, sent to the front door and everything. Apparently, the baby needed some special procedure done to it so they prepared it to be shipped (complete with some sort of adjustment that allowed it to survive in a box, in the mail) and sent it to our home. OK, so maybe the dreams were a little more wacky now that I'm typing this. So the baby arrived and we opened the box in great anticipation of seeing our little girl. . .and in the box was a sweet, little, baby boy! We were a little taken off guard but we quickly adjusted to the idea. We were just so excited to finally have our little one! We dressed him and walked across the street to my parents to unveil our surprising, new bundle of joy. Nobody seemed to care that is was a boy and not a girl.

And then, of course, I got up to visit the loo, right on schedule at 2am. When I fell back asleep, I had another dream. This time we had a little girl. She was an infant but was acting like an older girl (probably 6 or 7 years old) complete with an attitude and all! It was obvious that she didn't like us. She was distant and didn't really take to us. Keep in mind, she was about the size of a 9 month old but was acting like a snotty 6 year old. It was the oddest feeling. I felt so rejected and unsettled that my baby girl didn't want me.

As I sit here typing, I'm analyzing a bit. I'm sure the first dream had something to do with the fact that my friend Sarah was going in today to possibly find out what she is having. They are hoping for a boy. So I had boys on the brain. I'm not completely sure what the mail delivery was all about. . .except the fact that Dave and I have ordered a lot of things online lately so it seems we are always waiting for a package on our front door step. Isn't it funny how our minds mash every little thing together through our dreams?

And I'm sure my second dream had a bit to do with my apprehension of becoming a mom. Not that I am afraid of motherhood - I'm really quite excited. The dynamics are just so unknown. I won't know what my relationship will be like with my daughter until I am in it. Although I can assure you that Dave and I will be nipping the attitude in the bud!

I'm sure I can expect many more wacky dreams before she arrives. I can't really blame the pregnancy hormones since I've always had crazy dreams. But I can say pregnancy seems to be making the dreams more vivid. At least I can look forward to giving Dave a nice laugh every other morning! And someday, I'll have a lot of fun telling her all the visions mommy had while she was in my tummy.

Another Pic

Got another picture of her the other day. Just got it scanned in. Isn't she getting big?

I'm a little concerned about her profile. I told Dave she looks like a Fraggle. Remember them? I always thought I looked like a Fraggle with my profile. Oh well, I suppose she looks like me then.

I'm pretty sure Dave and I will both think she's perfect once we see her.

Loud Speaker Lullabies

The appointment went well on Friday. So sorry I didn't post sooner. I didn't get online all weekend. It was pretty busy.

Thursday night we had another childbirth education class at the hospital. We watched the epidural video and let me just tell you. . .that video was scarier than the natural birth video! I think it almost talked me out of getting the drugs!

As we were sitting in class on Thursday night, all of a sudden, over the loud speaker you could hear the song "lullaby" playing. We all stopped and wondered what it was when our instructor said, "Oh, a baby has just been born." It hadn't happened yet while we were in class. I didn't even know the hospital did this, but apparently every time a baby is born, they play that little song for the whole hospital to hear. A few minutes later, it happened again. Busy night.

It wasn't until that very moment that I remembered that Thursday, January 24th was my due date with our last baby. I was sad for just a moment and I turned to Dave and said, "Oh, wow. I didn't remember until just now, this was my due date." He didn't remember either. I didn't stay sad, however it was weird to think I could have had a baby this week. Although I would have loved to know that little girl, it's hard to be sad when you've come to terms with the soveriegnty of God and when you are in the midst of a miracle that He is completing.

I suppose I felt the reality of redemption as I sat there and thought about it briefly. He chose to take our first little girl to heaven, and although this is something we may never fully understand, in His great mercy and grace, He chose to bless us with another little girl that we declare we will get to know and love on this earth.

I'm in the midst of that part of the season where 4 months to go seems so long yet perhaps not long enough to fully prepare for this life change. There's so much to do and get ready for both physically and mentally. But part of me just can't wait to have her here, with us.

Right now I am praying for patience and peace and wisdom and grace as I wait for that miracle moment when our baby's life will bring loud-speaker lullabies.

That Little Flutter

I haven't written that much in a while. It's been a little crazy. We're just busy, busy. I know I need to slow down a bit but things just keep coming up. My mother is reading this right now and she'll probably call me later to say, "You need to slow down. You need to be home, resting." I know mom, I know. I'll get there!

We have another appointment tomorrow. This ultrasound will hopefully allow us to see those things we couldn't see last time. Let's just pray our little girl is cooperative this time! She's been moving around so much lately, it's no wonder she often finds herself in a cockeyed position.

It is an odd feeling . . . feeling her move so much, knowing there is a little person getting bigger and bigger inside of me. I think it's one of my favorite things about being pregnant. There are so many things I don't like. I don't mean to complain, after all, I wanted this so badly for so long. But it's been hard. My body just feels worn and achy all the time. And then when I feel her little flutter, it makes it all worth it. I'm pretty sure I'll forget all the discomforts once she's here and I get to hold her close.

We continue to believe for perfect growth and development. I'll let you know how it goes.

A New Snapshot

We were able to get a little better picture of our girl so I thought I'd go ahead and post it. It's just amazing to be able to see her so often inside my womb. . .watching her grow already. Just knowing all the intricate details that the Lord is fashioning makes it that much easier to walk in faith. How can you not believe as you watch this process?

She's Trouble. . .

We had a great appointment today. Praise the Lord! It seems though, that our little girl is going to be trouble! She was completely in the wrong position, rolled up in a ball with her legs crossed. Three strikes against her in the area of cooperation.

She made it hard for the tech to see everything but at the end of the visit we received a perfect report. I'll have to return in three weeks to double check a few areas they could not get to, but all looks well.

Of course, with her legs crossed, it was hard at first to confirm that she is, in fact, a girl. I think Dave got a little nervous about that. He just wanted the confirmation before I make him paint the nursery. Once again at the very end, our tech was able to see clearly and confirm - it's a girl!

We were able to see her head quite well and even got to experience her yawning, drinking and working through a little case of the hiccups. It was so cute to see her functioning like that. I didn't really get a good picture to post. But we did get some video. Once I figure all that out, I'll try and post some here.

Thank you all for your prayers. We get more and more excited with each passing week and visit. She is becoming so real to us now. I just can't wait to know her.

Our Big Appointment

So tomorrow we go in for our big ultrasound. This is the one where they would have told us if we were having a boy or a girl. . .I suppose they'll confirm that. I pray there are no surprises there. . .we received a lot of girlie things for Christmas!

I'm told they will also check her growth and organs to make sure everything looks normal. Honestly, I am battling a little fear, although I've been purposing to fight it at every chance. . .proclaiming life over this child. I've just been surrounded lately by so many people in my sphere of influence experiencing pregnancy loss and complications. But I know I cannot look at anyone else's story. This is our story. I've asked the Lord with my honest heart for a completely normal report tomorrow. I feel like we've had many complications to deal with, and that at this point, we are due for a break. I know that isn't how He works. . .and I know that no matter what the report is tomorrow we will continue to contend and believe for our little girl to be born perfect. But it doesn't hurt to lay our petition before the Lord to allow us to have great breakthrough through the knowledge of a perfect baby growing inside me.

Please pray with us. For her heart and her lungs and her kidneys. . .that all would be the right size, functioning normally. And for her brain and her head. . .that there would be no abnormal growths or cysts or water. Please pray for the placenta and amniotic fluid. . .that both would be sufficient for her well being and mine. We just pray in Jesus name that she is thriving in my womb. . .receiving everything she needs for a healthy life on this earth.

I suppose a bit of my anxiety comes from what I am having to walk with my diet. People keep asking me if I've lost weight. Ha! What a joke. You want all your life to lose weight and then when you are pregnant and needing to provide nourishment for another life, you finally start to lose the pounds. Well, I haven't actually lost any weight. Although I've only gained one pound and I'm almost 19 weeks pregnant. My doctor assures me this is fine and the baby is getting what she needs. I just need to rest in that. And hey. . .who am I to complain. I might just be skinnier after she is born then before. Wouldn't that be a hoot?!

I don't know if I could ever explain the battle that rages inside me each time the days and the hours creep by, nearing another doctor's appointment. I know this is because of the horror that has met us there before. But as each appointment comes and goes, I am growing in my faith and my trust and although there is a battle, it is more easliy won. I know that is part of the purpose of this whole journey. . .learning to walk more deeply with Him. It doesn't mean the battle will disappear, it just means we'll learn that the battle is the Lord's.

It's a. . .

We had a great appointment on Thursday. Heather sneaked us into the ultrasound room and asked the tech to do a quick check to see what we are having. The girl that was there on Thursday happens to be the one that did our 12 week ultrasound with the last baby, so I think she was so excited to see us back at almost 16 weeks and thus was willing to do whatever it took to get us an answer.

At first she wasn't too sure. I don't see a penis, she kept saying. (Why is it ok to say penis 15 times when talking about a little one?) But she wasn't 100% sure. Then, at the very last minute, we got such a clear look, there was no question about it.

It's a girl!!!

I chose not to post the ultrasound picture. That angle they need to take is not very lady like. . .and I don't want my sweet girl starting out her life with indecent pictures on the internet. We'll have another look in 3 weeks and I'll get a nice photo to post of her.

Dave and I are so excited to know and attach more identity to this child. Of course, I've already gone out and bought a few cute girlie outfits and I can't stop dreaming about the nursery.

The Lord is so faithful and now that we know who is growing inside of me, it makes us even more grateful to Him for this life.

Boy or Girl?

I haven't written in a little while. I guess I've been so wrapped up with this diabetes thing. Intricately planning every meal and watching the clock to check your blood sugar really does consume your mind! But I'm happy to say I'm doing pretty well. I'm not eating all that much. 1800 calories per day. . .which feels like I'm on a diet. I thought you weren't supposed to diet when you were pregnant! I went to a holiday party last night and I am so proud to say I didn't have any dessert. There was toffee, cookies, brownie trifle and coconut fudge torte. And me, I had nothing! Woo hoo! That is quite an accomplishment.

This morning I am going in for my next OB appointment. It's funny how every time I go in I get the same nervous feeling. I think no matter how far along I am, I will always battle this. I'm pressing into the Lord for peace and I'm trying to believe with all my might. . .but I have to admit, I've really battled fear lately. I've learned that it's ok to be honest with these emotions, but I just can't stay there. I will continue to declare that there is strong life growing inside of me. . . that He is faithful to complete this.

My doctor is actually going to try and look to see what we are having today. She said there's a 50/50 chance she'll be able to tell. The ultrasound tech in her office was able to tell on herself when she was pregnant at 13 weeks. I'm hoping, but not too much. If not today, we'll know in about a month. I have felt for a while that it's a boy. . .but I've had 3 dreams that it's a girl. So at this point, I'm not going to try to call it either way.

So off I go. . .to another milestone moment. I know there will be many more of them to come on this journey. I will not stop contending for victory and for this child!

Christmas Without Sweets. . .

Well, it seems that will be my reality. My doctor called today to say I failed my second glucose screening which means I do in fact have gestational diabetes. My first reaction was to cry. Do I really need one more thing to worry about in this pregnancy? (My sweet friend Kristy is laughing right now because she totally understands what I mean.)

But. . .I've pulled myself together and I've decided that this is a good thing. I've needed a good kick in the pants for a long time now in the area of diet and exercise. I was doing so well a few years back. . .getting into a routine, working out, eating better. Then as each month passed and our "journey to starting a family" became harder, I lost the will to fight for this part of my life.

Of course I had it in me to fight for a baby. . .but that's just about all I had in me. I remember telling my friend, "I just can't fight two battles at once." Although I think the Lord understood my exhaustion, I also think He was waiting there all along ready to give me the strength to fight it all.

My doctor told me that I probably couldn't have prevented this earlier with diet and exercise (thank God or I'd be feeling really guilty right now), so this might be exactly what I need to finish this battle and claim not only a healthy child, but a healthy mama as well.

So there you have it. I probably won't partake in many of the wonderful delicacies that my family will prepare this Christmas. Those of you that are familiar with my sweet tooth understand how disappointing this is. Yet it's funny how everything comes into view when you are getting ready to become a parent and be responsible for another life. My husband's English trifle or a healthy baby. . .trifle. . .baby. . .trifle. . .baby. I think you know which one I'd choose, any time of the year.

Second Trimester?

Today I am 13 weeks! I think this marks the beginning of my second trimester. It's hard to tell though. Every book and website says something different. Oh well. I've just decided that this is my second trimester. Woo hoo!

I'm feeling pretty good. I don't have much nausea if any at all. My back still hurts but I feel like I have more energy. I'm looking forward to feeling good and starting to show!

The doctor's office called yesterday to tell me my glucose screen came back positive. This just means that there is a possibility I could have gestational diabetes. This is pretty common for women with PCOS, since we are already insulin resistant and pregnancy makes you more insulin resistant. I don't feel worried about this but it's another complication that is getting in the way of our total peace. I go in Friday morning for a 3 hour screening. So I suppose I'll know early next week if I actually have it.

We ask you all to pray that everything comes back normal. Although gestational diabetes is common and is treatable. . .I would just rather have everything be in alignment for the rest of this pregnancy. The good thing about this "scare" is that it's making me very aware of what I eat. I feel like I've done really well so far. . .but I do have that darn sweet tooth! And of course it's just perfect that I should find out about this right before the holidays! Nice!

Thanksgiving was really fun with alot of my family here. I think Dave got a little overloaded but he'll be alright. It was so sweet to have my parents in town and all gather at their place. No matter where my parents live, it just feels like home. I'm so thankful to have them close.

I pray you and yours had a wonderful holiday as well. This is such a wonderful time of year. It always makes me feel so excited and wide eyed (like a little kid). . . and this year, even more so. Celebrating Christmas really does help you believe in miracles. When I look at all that God did in sending His son to the world through a woman like Mary, I desire to be so available to Him for whatever His purpose is in what He's doing through me.

12 Weeks!

Well, we made it. This morning Dave and I went in for our 12 week appointment. I kept declaring that He was doing a new thing. . .that this wouldn't look anything like the past. We were quickly able to see the baby and it was obvious they had grown. It only took seconds for me to see the heartbeat. I think my heart stopped for just a second as we searched. The baby looked strong at 12 weeks and 3 days. The baby was moving around a lot and kicking its legs up. It was so cute.

Needless to say Dave and I are relieved. We are more excited but we just said to each other that we still feel guarded. I don't think it's as much fear now as it is the reality that we can never stop fighting for this life.

Thank you for fighting with us! Another great milemarker on our journey. We have so much to be thankful for.

He Who Promised Is Faithful

A few people came up to me in church yesterday to say they were so exicted that we were pregnant and they are so glad we finally "let the cat out of the bag." We actually haven't let the "cat out" yet. I think he just got away. I don't mind at all that these sweet friends have heard our news. But hearing them say it out loud, in the foyer of our church, made my heart sink into my stomach.

Don't say it so loud. I thought to myself. I'm not ready for everyone to know. What if something bad happens?

That was my initial thought. And then I thought about it all day long. Why was I so afraid? Are we not declaring, in faith that this is it? My pastor even spoke yesterday morning - in our thanksgiving service after our dear friends Kyle and Kristy shared about their miracle baby - that we are to do what Hebrews tells us in chapter 10, verse 23, "Let us hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."

I am so glad that although we are instructed not to waiver, when we do we do not disqualify ourselves from the promise. He is faithful and He is merciful. He is a God of understanding and grace.

We'll go in Wednesday morning at 9am for our 12 week appointment. It is an understatement to say I am holding on tightly to the confession of our hope. I am believing with my whole being that this baby will be thriving inside of me. Please join with us in believing for a strong heartbeat, great growth (the baby should measure 12 weeks and 2 days) and no genetic or physical abnormalities.

So let's just go ahead and "let the cat out of the bag." I've got nothing to fear. . .for He who promised is faithful!

A Little Scare. . .

Well we had a little scare this week. I've been waking up a lot in the middle of the night with horrible back pain. It's moved a bit into my abdomen so I've been concerned the past few nights. Then it began lasting all day long. I spent most of last night awake, laying there, begging the Lord to please not do this to me again. I'm a bit ashamed of my emotional state, but I know He understands that as we contend for things we've lost in the past or have waited a long time for, we can easily get weary and be tempted to give up.

I went in this morning to see Heather. I prayed and prayed and worshiped the Lord the whole way there. By the time I arrived I was a lot more at peace. She did an exam and an ultrasound and everything looks fine. The baby looked strong at 10 weeks and 2 days with a very strong heartbeat. It was even jumping around and waving at us! So cute! They think perhaps I just have a little infection so we'll see about that.

I am just so relieved that the little one is thriving. I kept racking my brain thinking, What are you doing wrong? Why can't your body hold a pregnancy? I was beating myself up with guilt that I was failing. I know I just have to rest in the fact that every woman's body responds differently to pregnancy and that the Lord is holding this little one together with His hands. He has promised us a child. . .and I believe this child. I was so tempted to believe the promise wasn't real. . .that it was all some cruel joke, toying with my emotions and making me crazy. It's amazing what Satan will try to make you believe when you are scared and weary. What a liar!

We've got two weeks to go in the first trimester. I am very tired and weary but we have no choice but to continue fighting. . .to see this through. We'll go in the day before Thanksgiving for our 12 weeks ultrasound. Thanksgiving Day will be a huge breakthrough as I'll be more than 12 weeks then. I don't find it surprising at all that the Lord chose that week for us to pass this milemarker. Like I've said before, He spoke to me early on that this child will be formed from praise. He's always been so good and faithful, but this Thanksgiving, we'll have even more to celebrate.

10 Weeks!

Well we've made it past the 10 week mark. I have to be honest and tell you that I haven't felt the greatest lately. I've experienced some really light cramping which has made me a little uneasy, but I keep confessing life over me and this baby. The funny thing about First Trimester pregnancy is that there are so many symptoms that are normal. . .but could also mean something is wrong. My husband and I laugh about it all the time. I'll say, "Gosh, my back is really killing me." And he'll say, "What does that mean?" To which I respond, "Well the books say it's normal. . .but it could also mean you are about to have a miscarriage." It's a cruel joke that we've just decided to laugh about. Not to mention that I've just stopped reading those books.

I attended a women's conference at my church this weekend and the speaker talked about having spiritual eye guards. Little blinders that stick to either side of your head, keeping out the peripheral distractions that Satan loves to throw at us all the time. I've experienced so many potential distractions in the past week. It's pretty tiring to continue to contend against them all. . .but we have no other choice but to fight.

This Friday I will go in for another ultrasound. I am so excited that I get to visit my doctor Heather this time. I feel like I'm coming home. It is a huge step of faith. . .going in this Friday, as it is my 31st birthday that day. I was hesitant to schedule the appointment for that day, but then I figured what better way to walk in complete faith then to position myself to have to trust Him so desperately for this next milemarker.

We could never thank you all enough for standing with us. As I feel our faith rise to the next level, I feel the faith of our friends and family rise as well. I pray that as you've joined us on this journey, your faith has risen to new heights so that when the Lord requires for you to trust Him more deeply, complete faith will be the only response you have in you.

Sweet Victory!

Praise The Lord! All is well with our little one. We had such a great experience this morning. The tech immediately showed us our "big" baby. I think even she was surprised to see how big it had grown. It measured 9 weeks and 1 day today. This is pretty remarkable. When we went in exactly 2 weeks ago, it measured 6 weeks and 5 days. . .a few days shy of where I thought it would be. Everyone assured me that some variation was normal, but I was still a little disappointed. One of the things I prayed as I prayed for strong life this week was that the growth would be strong. . .I said to the Lord, "that it would even measure more than 9 weeks today." I don't even know why I prayed that. But the Lord blessed us with strong growth. And a strong heartbeat at 179! We even got to see its little hands wave a little. I think it was saying hi to mom and dad.

My dear friend Gwen called during the ultrasound and so I said, "Oh, someone is calling to make sure everything is ok." The tech must have assumed it was my mom. She said, "Call your mom back and let's let her hear the heartbeat." So I called my mom and put the phone up to the speaker and she got to hear a baby's heartbeat. . .her grandchild's heartbeat for the first time! She cried and the tech cried. I even saw some tears in Dave's eyes. It was so sweet!

Dave and I are so very relieved and excited. God is so faithful. Another huge milemarker behind us! The best part is, I get to go back to my doctor Heather now. I've missed being under her care. We have a few more weeks to go before the end of the first trimester, but I am so encouraged and my faith is so renewed. I just know we're going to make it!

We're Back. . .

Well we made it back from our trip in one piece. We had a great time just relaxing and hanging out. It was a bit warm in the mountains (go figure) so we didn't do as many outdoorsy things as we had hoped. We stayed in the cabin, turned up the AC and lit a fire in the fireplace. And we played a lot of pool. Who knew Dave was such a pool shark. He's telling me he's not that good. . .blah, blah, blah. We played about 20 games. I won 2. . .only because he accidentally hit the 8 ball in too soon. It's a good thing I'm not very competitive. Otherwise, my vacation would have been ruined. Oh but it was fun to see him win and feel all manly and what not.

I thought our time there would make my wait for the next Dr. appointment go quickly. What I didn't count on was having a lot more head space to think about my wait. So it kinda backfired on me. I have to admit, it was hard. But we continue to press into the Lord and speak life over our situation.

We celebrated 5 years of marriage on Saturday. I can hardly believe it's been that long. Our celebration this year was a bit sweeter than our last. The night of our anniversary last year was when I began losing my first baby. And it was today, Oct 29th last year that I actually miscarried. I've been thoughtful about it but I can honestly say I'm not sad or emotional. I know the Lord had a purpose in that life and in its loss. I trust in that. It's a little surreal that it's all come back around again. . .that tomorrow morning I'll go in for ultrasound #2. But in the midst of remembering our loss, I must be strong in faith for this little one. I'm so thankful that my heavenly father understands the irony and the difficulty of it all. But His will is for us to grow and to walk stronger with each passing event so I am committed to tap into the power of the Holy Spirit and believe like I never have before this time around.

We ask that you would pray with us as we go in tomorrow. Our appointment is at 8:45am. I've not yet made it through a second ultrasound with my pregnancies so needless to say this will be quite the milemarker. Thank you all for standing and believing with us.

Takin' A Break!

Dave and I are headed out on vacation this weekend. We'll be celebrating our 5 year anniversary where we honeymooned in the Smoky Mountains.

As you think about us this week, please be praying for peace and continued and renewed faith. We are still confessing life and the promises of God but I have to admit, the days of the first trimester are dragging by. I am so thankful that as I press into Him, my fear subsides and turns this torture into pleasure. We have no option but to abide. Pray that I would be prompted by the Spirit to do that every minute of every day.

Please also pray that we would be able to spend sweet time together and with the Lord that is centered around things other than "the baby thing." One of the hardest parts of this journey is feeling consumed by it. Sometimes I want to run away from it just to catch a glimpse of different scenery in my life. Pray that as we change our physical scenery, our spiritual and emotional eyes would be opened to other things the Lord wants to show us and do in us. I know there's so much more than this. . .

Baby Victory

OK so I don't know why I feel the need to name our ultrasound pics. This time I decided to call our little one Baby Victory. I wasn't going to even post the picture but as long as I'm believing this baby into existence, I might as well go all out, right?

So here he/she is. Cute huh?